25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (June 1 - 15)

Marriage is full of ups and downs and a whole series of ordinary moments in between.
And somehow, Twitter's husbands and wives continue to find humor in the details of married life and perfectly summarize it in 280 characters or less.
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Every other Monday we summarize the funniest wedding tweets from the past two weeks. Read on for 25 new ones that will make you laugh in agreement.
Mark
@ TheCatWhisprer
Marriage is about finding someone special with whom you can play the chicken for the rest of your life, with whom you can empty the trash can in the bathroom.
375
1:16 - June 9, 2020
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55 people talk about it
Aunt Chelle
@ravenswng_
My wife came outside to tell me a funny thing she had said an hour ago.
2,392
10:38 p.m. - June 13, 2020
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387 people are talking about it
Jessie
@ommajessiec
Husband: Does it bother you when I -

Me, yes.
1,622
2:46 p.m. - June 12, 2020
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363 people talk about it
Dude-Bro Dad
@ thedadvocate01
It's 2:30 a.m. and my wife just went to Target. I think I'm doing the children's dinner.
252
9:29 pm - June 10, 2020
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46 people are talking about it
Maryfairyboberry
@ MaryJustice86
I don't pretend to have a headache to stop having sex with my husband. I'm telling previous friends and the fact that his favorite team sucks the way God intended.
424
5:59 p.m. - June 13, 2020
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115 people talk about it
Arianna Bradford
@TheNYAMProject
Ich: I don't think I like this tearful, grumpy attitude. I don't have the patience for it. You will go to bed early

My husband: If you continue to speak to yourself in this mirror, I will file for divorce
236
4:59 p.m. - June 9, 2020
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77 people talk about it
Rodney Lacroix
@ RodLacroix
Woman: Finally a weekend with just two of us!

My wife too: will you breathe like this all the time?
740
1:14 p.m. - June 12, 2020
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138 people talk about it
Jawbreaker
@ six foot candy
Ich: Why is there a wheelchair in the kitchen?

Husband: Well, I know you hurt your leg.

Me and?

Husband: And I thought it would be easier for you to cook dinner.
683
6:44 PM - June 10, 2020
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262 people are talking about it
ThreeTimeDaddy
@threetimedaddy
Today I found a random sock, so I looked in the strange sock drawer and was able to bring it together. Then I proudly said to my wife: "See, the system works." Being 40 is wild.
525
6:50 p.m. - June 7, 2020
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73 people talk about it
Vision bored
@ VisionBored1
I've been married for over 10 years. I shave my legs for my freshly cleaned sheets, not for my husband
1.206
5:11 p.m. - June 13, 2020
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191 people talk about it
beard
@bartandsoul
Woman: What do you mix in this water bottle?

Ich: A protein shake

W: This is a package from Mac & Cheese

M:
300
2:04 p.m. - June 10, 2020
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141 people are talking about it
Lezz mom
@ lezzimomof2
Could fuck around and communicate openly with my spouse today.
126
3:30 p.m. - June 13, 2020
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23 people are talking about it
Lady Lawya
@ Parkerlawyer
I googled: "How damn long can it take to play 18 holes of golf?" If you wanted to know how much trouble my husband is having tonight.
2,678
01:27 - June 13, 2020
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475 people are talking about it
Simon Holland

@ Simoncholland
My wife and I go to Home Depot & IKEA with 25-foot tapes attached to our belts to bow younger couples arguing over things that fit into their home.
891
6:01 p.m. - June 8, 2020
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68 people talk about it
WTFDAD
@daddydoubts
I only had my wife cut my hair and frankly the only difference between her and my hairdresser is how often she said whoops.
736
10:10 p.m. - June 11, 2020
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97 people talk about it
Dude-Bro Dad
@ thedadvocate01
TV volume: 1

Woman: Can you turn that off ?!
116
9:12 p.m. - June 7, 2020
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38 people are talking about it
Advance
@ RunOldMan
Whenever I fold laundry and my wife doesn't turn her clothes the right way, I throw them in the trash and tell her that the dryer has eaten them.
218
1:15 p.m. - June 12, 2020
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127 people talk about it
Rhyme mom
@ sarabellab123
My husband leaves water glasses lying around as if preparing to invade water-sensitive aliens.
1,355
12:45 p.m. - June 10, 2020
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309 people are talking about it
Jessie
@ommajessiec
Husband: * cuts off her toenails * can you imagine being single now?

Me, yes.
640
1:37 p.m. - June 8, 2020
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135 people talk about it
Luke, I'm your mother
@MommaUnfiltered
Remember 4 months ago when I accused you of throwing something away ... I found it under the bed this morning.

~ Marriage sext
67
6:25 p.m. - June 5, 2020
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See Luke, I'm your mother's other tweets
Eric
@ericsshadow
The President went to the White House bunker for routine inspection, and my wife lives at the local Hampton Inn because she prefers hard water.
110
2:46 PM - June 3, 2020
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20 people are talking about it
Rodney Lacroix
@ RodLacroix
My wife only yelled at me for going too loud when one of you thought about starting a relationship.
1,073
6:29 p.m. - June 11, 2020
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226 people are talking about it
Maryfairyboberry
@ MaryJustice86
Be sure to get married so that you can argue about important issues such as various grains of rice before 8 a.m.
481
1:13 p.m. - June 10, 2020
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167 people are talking about it
The developing arm
@ linksarmisme
My husband just told me that my sports bra and yoga pants made me look like a transformer, and I think that's the best compliment ever.
77
10:19 p.m. - June 4, 2020
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20 people are talking about it
ɱuɳcɦkiɳ
@ Boujeemunchkin
My husband says things like "Later Tater" and "Let's Skiddaddle".

SOS.
90
1:48 p.m. - June 10, 2020
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32 people are talking about it
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