A Woman Is Prepared to Leave Her Husband After He Kept Scaring Her & Reddit Has Her Back
It's not easy being vulnerable. Sharing your fears, feelings, or direct trauma can make you feel exposed, so this situation is best met with compassion. So when a Redditor shared her fear of fire with her husband, only to find him teasing her with a lighter, it caused her to reconsider their partnership. And honestly, Reddit users were right there with her.
User unknownuser588 went to the /AmITeAsshole SubReddit to talk about a recent incident with her husband. She shared for the first time that she had a traumatic experience as a child and despite therapy it is still a long healing process.
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"That means there are certain things that annoy my husband, like when we decided to buy a house I asked if we could get an electric stove or replace the gas stove," she wrote. "It annoyed him, but he accepted."
Other things that annoy him - yes, annoy him - about her real, actual fear? That she has to keep a safe distance from a barbecue grill.
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"One night I was just finishing dinner and went to give him a hug from behind (arms wrapped around his shoulders, kind of a hug) and he immediately pulled a lighter out of his pocket and held it close to me," wrote you. "I'm freaking out trying to get away from the lighter. When he finally puts it down, I yell at him and, crying, ask him why he thought it was a good idea. He told me he'd heard about exposure therapy and was fed up with my antics."
The user ended up locking herself in the bedroom and crying.
AITA for yelling at my husband for scaring me? by AmItheAsshole
"He wouldn't talk to me in the morning and said he was just trying to help and yelled at him for feeling like shit," she noted. "I wonder if I overreacted."
To which the majority of users gave a resounding "Hell, no!"
"He should not test his exposure therapy ideas unless he is trained to do so and you agree," wrote CrystalQueen3000. “He was an AH. You can't help your immediate reaction to what he did, and if he feels like shit, well, he should. What he did was wrong.”
Others agreed, some even reminding the original poster that the "irritations" she listed weren't really annoyances worth mentioning.
"I honestly don't think the two OP examples described (getting an electric stove or standing farther away from a grill) really limit him in the way he says they do...especially if it's your spouse who had a traumatic experience ,” noted ASSFGasdfg. "Could it be annoying/not his preference? Of course. Suffice to say he's "tired of her antics"? no Mental health isn't a farce - it's a medical thing that OP works through with mental health professionals. He needs to step back and stop being so self-centered.”
But the poster's story didn't end there. In a separate thread, she gave an update on the situation, writing that her husband still hasn't spoken to her three days after the incident. When she confronted him, she told him his behavior caused her to lose trust in him.
"He wiped it off, rolled his eyes and said it wasn't that big a deal," she wrote. "I just replied that it was a big deal for me and I know my trauma might upset him, but that didn't give him the right to do it."
First, she managed to win him over for marriage counseling. But every time the date came, he would bail.
"He made up some sort of excuse for not going (he stayed late at work, there was no groceries so he had to go shopping) and I got frustrated, I asked him if he really wanted things to work, and he didn't answer right away," she wrote. "He said he was just trying to help and by making him seem like the 'bully,' I didn't appreciate him and all the things he had to accommodate for my antics."
And thus? The user put her wedding ring on the table and left. "That was the last straw," she said.
[Pause the hell, yeah.]
Here's the thing: Mental health and the trauma that comes with it are no joke. When it comes to sharing these parts of us, we want the people in our corners to be able to not only take it seriously, but validate it by not being totally goofy about how it affects them . What's more, a toxic marriage can only further impair mental health, so leaving an unsupportive spouse behind — like this Reddit user — might be the most important boundary you'll ever set.
In the end, the OP said she finds healing in people who don't find their trauma disturbing.
"I am forever grateful to you Reddit for all your kind words," she wrote. "I can't thank you all enough for giving me the strength to help myself and reminding me that my trauma isn't annoying and shouldn't be viewed as escapades."
Before you go, check out our most popular (and some of the cheapest) mental health apps:
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