Divorce is usually caused by one of the '3 i's,' therapists say. Here's what they are, and how they destroy a marriage.
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Bill and Melinda Gates announced on May 3 that they were divorcing.
Insider spoke to lawyers and relationship therapists about the top reasons couples get divorced.
Therapist Tess Brigham told Insider it was due to incompatibility, infidelity, and irreconcilable differences.
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Bill and Melinda Gates announced their divorce on May 3 after the two tweeted each other that they would end their 27-year relationship.
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Melinda Gates' divorce petition called her marriage "irretrievably broken".
Therapist Tess Brigham told Insider over the course of such a long marriage that tension can build up in one of three main categories of relationships: incompatibility, infidelity, and unforgiving differences, also called the three selves.
According to therapists and lawyers, the three selves can influence a couple during the course of their marriage.
Incompatibilities about life, spending, and romantic habits can lead to resentment over time
Brigham said some of the most common incompatibilities leading to divorce are politics and religion.
Marilyn Chinitz, Tom Cruise's divorce attorney, disagrees.
"For most people, money is the main reason people get divorced," Chinitz told Insider.
While differing opinions aren't necessarily deal breakers, the inability to compromise and talk about those differences is a major problem, according to Brigham.
"While someone could say, 'We couldn't agree on money,' it really means, 'We fought for money all the time, my partner never listened to me, they spent money behind my back without telling me "said she said.
"Another couple may have different views about money, but if they can talk to each other and hear each other's point of view, they won't part about it."
Infidelity can permanently break trust
Kari Lichtenstein, founding partner of the law firm Stutman Stutman Lichtenstein & Felder, said insider infidelity was one of the main reasons behind the divorce.
Infidelity occurs when one or both partners are intimate with another person outside of their vows, Brigham told Insider.
In addition, infidelity can lead to permanent trust problems in a marriage, which can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
According to experts, incompatible differences such as parenting styles and future goals are discussed too late in the relationship
It's natural for couples to grow and change over the course of their marriage, but the difference between a successful and a failed marriage, according to Brigham, is whether couples grow together or separately.
A relationship can go from bad to worse in the early years of marriage when a couple has different opinions about how to have kids and how to raise them, she said.
Michael Stutman, founding partner of the law firm Stutman Stutman Lichtenstein & Felder, told Insider that differences in a couple's view of their individual and common future could also occur after leaving the house.
"Even if a couple makes it through child-rearing years when faced with an empty nest, they can easily get to the point where the gates were, where the relationship started, and they want something more. " "Said Stutman.
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