Elon Musk Sleeps Next To A Deus Ex: Human Revolution Gun For No Reason

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Elon Musk as Deus Ex character with Diet Coke cans.
By his own admission, Elon Musk leaps into the deep, dark nothingness of sleep, next to a gun in a box with Washington Crossing the Delaware on it, four empty golden decaf coke cans, and a replica Deus Ex: Human Revolutionary Cannon held together by screws.
Let me start with this: oh my god. Elon Musk is the guy with the pizza-stained mattress on the floor. He's the guy in the club who goes off like he's turning your life into a House of Wax sequel. I did a few reverse image searches on Musk's alleged bedside table because he seemed too overwhelmingly masculine and too perfect as a caricature to be true, but all roads lead back to Musk and the soul-crushing single-guy syndrome that emanated from his too body seems to escape. Oh dear God.
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But you can't blame the Mars-obsessed, public transport-averse, AI-gazing billionaire for being a Deus Ex fan. In 2020, he changed his Twitter profile picture to the 2000 Deus Ex cover, which features superhuman agent and protagonist JC Denton staring up sullenly through tiny Matrix glasses, probably contemplating, the billionaire and not take down consensual biochipper Bob Page.
Musk's sculpted Diamond Back .357 is first seen on JC in Human Revolution, the 2011 series episode, when he tries and fails to use it against wiry super-soldier Jason Namir. Musk, a self-proclaimed intergalactic polluter, alleged workplace harasser and, to facilitate those other things, a lone knight for free speech, is no doubt excited about JC's trench coat fight for technology. So excited, in fact, that the thought of wielding a cool, nondescript weapon while fighting for humanity (by allowing more insults on Twitter) helps him avoid the more obvious parallel between himself and the villain.
The diet colas, I assume, provide the aspartame cherry on top. Her presence next to Musk's bed also confirms my growing suspicion that there is a diet coke psyop targeting white males over 25, no doubt at Musk's hand. When I asked every white person I know what they thought of Diet Coke, here's what they said:
"It's fortified water." - Jan
Diet Coke's appeal lies in its "bubbles as fresh as the air of a gray fall morning," in addition to the "life-affirming boost of 46 milligrams of caffeine per 12 fluid ounces, and all for zero calories." - Ben
"The caffeine-free version destroys my gut microbiome to the point where I can forget about my pain." - Mark
"The mouthfeel is incredible - you can't even digest what makes it sweet so it has this immortality which explains why we and the male manipulators of Elon love it so much." - Zach
Being a girl and not yet targeted by the Diet Coke PsyOp, I can report with a clear head that it tastes like 100% crude oil. But for Musk and the men he represents, I see the appeal in playing willful ignorance, both with toy guns and sodas. Drown it in sweetener. It definitely helps him sleep at night.

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