'Girls Next Door' star Holly Madison reveals the reason she left Hugh Hefner and the Playboy mansion
Holly Madison talks about her relationship with Hugh Hefner at the Playboy Mansion. (Photo by Lawrence Lucier / FilmMagic)
Holly Madison still has secrets to share when it comes to her time at the Playboy mansion.
Over a decade after the final episode of Girls Next Door aired on E !, the television series that seemingly pulled the curtain back on the lives of Hugh Hefner and his three girlfriends at the time - Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt. The year old continues to share about her "terrible" experience in the villa and explains in the podcast "Call Her Daddy" that she felt trapped in a toxic environment.
"I was kind of desperate. I slept on someone's couch. I just felt like I need a minute to reset my life and I felt like I could stay in the villa with only a minute so as not to worry about bills. " "Madison told host Alex Cooper about her fight after moving to Los Angeles before moving into the mansion. As she pondered that decision, she hadn't known what to expect to join the House, nor did she what Hefner expected from her.
"I had to sleep with him first," she said. "I'm not trying to shame anyone or anything, but no one has ever been asked to move in unless they have slept with them. No way."
Madison went on to explain the night it happened, saying that she dated Hefner and his other girlfriends before he, whom she calls "Hef", offered her quaaludes - a sedative and hypnotic drug that he called the "thigh opener". "" And although she didn't accept the pills and didn't have the impression that she would sleep with him that night, it was "so wasted and just kind of thrown in that there was something once it was done." about the experience that got me very out of control. "
Despite the negative experience, she stuck to her plan to move into the villa. "I felt like I was just internalizing all of this shame and I felt like by keeping it out I was fighting for myself and struggling to get something out of this experience I think," she shared . “Living in the villa was something I thought would be a super fun, insane experience in my twenties to look back on. I knew it wasn't going to get conventional and I loved it and wanted to stay and get this full experience ... Everything about the experience was completely different. "
Madison explained how she went from being one of many friends to Hef's main friend, living in his room and giving up all privacy. At this point, the other women’s scrutiny and disconnection from the outside world resulted in her having "fairly serious thoughts of suicide". Even when it came to filming the reality show with Wilkinson and Marquardt, Madison said, "We signed these contracts under duress."
Bridget Marquardt, Hefner, Madison and Kendra Wilkinson visited red carpets as a foursome. (Photo by Kevin Winter / Getty Images for AFI)
Despite the red flags and general discomfort about their life situation and relationship, Madison stayed at the mansion until she was 29 and even tried to get pregnant with Hefner.
"I think it was kind of Stockholm Syndrome," she said. “I just couldn't really imagine life outside of there. I thought, 'OK, this is my last stop. I want to have kids, I'll try.' And then when I knew it wasn't going to be a possibility with him like we tried in vitro [fertilization] and everything didn't work, I said, “OK, if I'm not going to have kids here, I'll have to Think. It's like a death sentence in a way. '"
In retrospect, Madison said she's glad she didn't have children with Hefner and acknowledges many of his actions as "super groomer clichés" while acknowledging that her own behavior was due to these surroundings. "When I look back on Girls Next Door, especially the first few seasons, I just see myself finished with it," she said. "I was really stiff and not open and just like a robot and just said the kind of things I thought Hef would want me to say and things that made him look good and I almost can't really regret it for not doing it I don't know how else I would have dealt with it. "
Regarding her relationships with Wilkinson and Marquardt, Madison said she had none with Wilkinson, while revealing that she is still closely associated with Marquardt. "We've always been friends from day one. She's [the cutest]."
If you or someone you know has thoughts of suicide, call 911 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or send HOME on the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
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Rachel Hollis compared herself to Harriet Tubman and Malala Yousafzai. It didn't go well.
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