I had a miscarriage this week, and Chrissy Teigen's baby bump gives me hope

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. Lionel Hahn/Getty Images
I miscarried this week and seeing Chrissy Teigen's baby bump gives me hope.
As a society, we don't talk about early pregnancy losses, even though they are fairly common.
Because she was so open about sharing her bad news, I'm here to celebrate Teigen's good news.
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As I scrolled down to Chrissy Teigen's photo announcing her latest pregnancy, I cried with joy. While I absolutely don't judge anyone who does this, I don't follow celebrities very closely and their messages rarely affect my day-to-day life. When a famous person dies, I think of their family and bless their legacy and move on.
But this was different. I miscarried this week and Teigen's baby bump reminds me that there is still hope.
When Teigen and her husband John Legend lost their premature son Jack, I cried too. My son had been born prematurely three years earlier and the memory of his struggle to survive is still fresh in my mind.
Prior to my pregnancy with him, I miscarried at 12 weeks pregnant with twins - an incredibly painful and traumatic experience. And one of my earliest childhood memories was the loss of my twin sisters, who were born too early and too small to survive. I remembered how it had torn my parents apart.
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I had my doubts about trying again
I looked at the photos of Teigen and Legend crying in the hospital and wondered if all the pain and uncertainty was worth it. Maybe it was best to just enjoy the family you have and not expose yourself to new heartache.
Even so, a few years later I was ready to try and have another baby with great apprehension. But just days after a positive pregnancy test, I woke up in the night in excruciating pain.
When one of my editors called the next day to ask for a deadline, on a whim I told him what was going on. He was immediately understanding and empathetic. "Nobody talks about it," he said. "But it's the norm. I'm so sorry."
I thought about why we don't talk about it. I thought about why this editor was only the third person I'd told this to; I told everyone else, including my mother, that I was ill but should be better in a day or two, a prediction that can only be described as hopelessly optimistic.
When Teigen and Legend shared their heartbreaking photos of baby Jack in 2020, many people expressed their condolences and shared their sadness. But some people called them opportunists who are capitalizing on the tragedy with a photoshoot.
That's one of the reasons we don't talk about it.
Another reason: Talking about early pregnancy is still taboo.
The first trimester is all about wait and see
Part of that is the fear of jinxing it—the need to follow the good news of pregnancy with the bad news of loss. Teigen said she waited to make that announcement because she just wasn't ready. Instead, many of us wait to hear the announcement, and then when the worst happens, we suffer in silence.
And part of that has to do with the decisions that are made in the first trimester. We're waiting until we get the ultrasound and test results back and until we're sure we don't want or need to cancel.
But with the recent fall of Roe v. Wade protecting the constitutional right to abortion, more people are talking about it. We talk about how miscarriage treatment is abortion treatment. We talk about the ways that pregnancy, even desperately wanted pregnancies, can traumatize us. We talk about the dangers of keeping patients away from life-saving interventions.
Many of us feel lighter and freer when we talk about it, but it's also been incredibly difficult to hear all these stories of pain and loss amid the reversal of our hard-won freedom.
The photo of Teigen, with her thigh bruised from needlesticks and the unmistakable swelling of her stomach, is a symbol of hope. What hope she and Legend must have had of continuing treatments, even in the face of a heartbreaking loss. What courage to keep trying, even when you know what the worst-case scenario feels like. What joy to hear the longed-for news.
I felt their agony when they lost their baby and now I share their joy even amidst my own pain. Because they spoke about the bad, we can now celebrate with them about the very, very good.
So, as I sat on my couch with my heating pad and medicated bowl of ice cream, I decided to talk about it. I don't know if I'll ever get a pregnancy message again. I don't know what we're going to do next. But I know that I will find a way to feel joy again. It's starting.
Read the original article on Insider
Chrissy Teigen
American model

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