Jennifer Lopez reflects on Ben Affleck split: 'I honestly felt like I was going to die'

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Jennifer Lopez celebrates the 20th anniversary of This Is Me...Now and reflects on her relationship with Ben Affleck. (Photo: Barcroft Media via Getty Images)
Jennifer Lopez said her and Ben Affleck's split 20 years ago was so "painful" she thought it was "dying". In a new interview, the singer opened up about her latest Affleck-inspired album and what the actor-director had to say about some seemingly personal lyrics.
Lopez, 53, spoke to Apple Music's Zane Lowe about her upcoming album This Is Me...Now, a follow-up to her hit 2002 project This Is Me...Then.
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"Twenty years ago I fell in love with the love of my life," Lopez explained. "Now the most amazing, most unbelievable, most unbelievable has happened ... the reason we are here is because I want to capture this moment in time because it's even better than the first time."
Affleck and Lopez tied the knot (twice!) over the summer after rekindling their relationship. The Gigli co-stars first called off their engagement in 2004.
"It was so painful after we broke up. When we canceled that wedding 20 years ago, I was — it was the biggest heartbreak of my life. I honestly felt like I was going to die," Lopez recalled. "It sent me down a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn't get it right. Couldn't get it right But now, 20 years later, it has a happy ending -Happening-in-Hollywood ending. "That would never happen. We won't write this because nobody would believe it."
Lopez said that when she and Affleck got back together, he called her because she hadn't performed any songs about him on This Is Me...Then.
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"I said, 'You're right. It was painful.' It was a part of me back then that I had to put down in order to move on and survive. It sure was a survival tactic," Lopez recalled. (Incidentally, she said Affleck knew "all the words" to the songs on that album.)
"This is me ... Then I really captured a moment of falling in love with the love of my life. On the disk everything is right there. I didn't even realize what happened and what I did." Lopez recalled. "Every single song we wrote there, I wrote 'Dear Ben', it was such a special moment that I captured."
Lopez said the media hype surrounding their relationship "devastated" us all those years ago.
“That was part of what destroyed us was the outside energy that came at us. And we made love, it was hard. It felt unfair at times, but none of us are that person, woe is me. So we thought, 'Well, we just have to dust it off and keep it moving.' And I think, in the strangest way, it motivated both of us to become and do the things that we ended up doing, which is kind of a hypergang," she said, noting that they "do it separately He went into hyper gear and I went into hyper gear. But not together. We had to do it separately...It kind of pushed us in a weird way that we felt like we had to prove ourselves again.
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Lopez hinted that This Is Me...Now will feature similarly personal lyrics as its predecessor.
"We captured that moment when I was reunited with the love of my life and we decided we would be together forever. So the whole message of the album is that love exists. This is real love. Now I think about what the album's message is, if you've wondered if, like me at times, you've lost hope, almost given up, don't. Because true love exists and some things last forever and that's real. shared the Marry Me star.
“I want to get that message out into the world, and that takes a lot of vulnerability. But I couldn't hold myself back, and some parts of it scare me. And I think parts of it scare Ben too. He's like, 'Oh, do you really want to say all that?' And I'm like, 'I don't know how else to do it, baby,'" Lopez teased.
This Is Me...Now will be released in 2023.
MORE: Jennifer Lopez says private video of her wedding performance to Ben Affleck was 'stolen'
Ben Affleck
American film actor, director and screenwriter
Jennifer Lopez
American artist and businesswoman (1969)

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