Toxic Grandma Calls Great-Granddaughter a 'Mistake' But Still Wants a Relationship — & Reddit Has Zero Chill
Breaking ties with a family member is an emotional decision that most people do not take lightly. But one grandma on Reddit wants to publicly sever ties with her 2-year-old great-granddaughter while secretly maintaining a personal relationship with her. As you can imagine, people on Reddit hold nothing back when they come to her.
In the Am I The A—hole subreddit, a 22-year-old mother mentioned that she was unintentionally pregnant with her 2-year-old daughter, Ava, and is now engaged to Ava's father, Brian, and is raising their baby girl together. Unfortunately, her "very religious and traditional" grandmother was upset with her decision to keep her baby, and she appears to be extremely toxic. Buckle up — severe whiplash is imminent.
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"To say she was upset when she found out I was pregnant would be an understatement," the mom wrote of her grandma. "She actually didn't speak to me until I was almost 9 months old when she begged me to put the baby up for adoption. However, I thought she would finally come over. She even came to Ava's 2nd birthday party and gave her a Christmas present (pajamas) this year.”
Out of sheer goodness of heart, the original poster decided to give her grandma a second chance at a relationship with Ava. But with an upcoming family reunion, her grandma (the host of the event) asks her granddaughter not to bring her daughter or fiancé.
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"She told me she wouldn't let me pass my apology to a family around," the mother explained. "She said it was 'shameful to the family that I had an illegitimate baby.' 'I am, but my father would have thrown a tantrum if she invited my sister and not me."
The young mom, who previously mentioned that she and her fiancé both recently graduated from college and have jobs, defended her daughter.
"I told her I wasn't ashamed of Ava and neither should she be," she said. "She told me that my 'mistake' means my family will be judged. She also called Ava a "bastard." I was really angry (still am). I literally trembled when she told me that. I told her that she no longer had to be ashamed of me or Ava because she wasn't going to see either of us anytime soon.” Good for her for showing up for her daughter!
The OP also said she's not going to the reunion and plans to "avoid events my grandmother will be attending." She also admitted to calling her grandma "a snooty old bitch." Well, if the shoe fits...
"I'm angry," added the mother. "She doesn't have to agree with my decisions, but calling my daughter a mistake and a bastard crosses a huge line. Besides, if she really feels that way, what's the harm in not seeing us. I don't want her ever to have a chance to tell Ava these things in front of her. I want her to grow up knowing that she may be unplanned, that she is loved very much."
Now the OP's grandmother and aunts and uncles are upset. "They keep texting me and calling me an asshole and a bitch for keeping their great granddaughter away from her when she won't be around forever," she wrote. "My dad and sister also made the decision not to go after they found out why I wasn't. So I get called an AH for that too. Aita?"
People stood up for the mother. "Sounds like your grandmother is already dead to you," one person wrote. “Good deliverance from the toxic family. Go on and don't look back.”
"Right, the cognitive dissonance between 'don't bring your despicable bastard child here' and 'how dare you deny me my great-granddaughter' is mind boggling," commented another. “Hypocrisy and toxicity at its finest. OP is much better off without them.”
Some pointed out that the aunts and uncles might not know the full story. "Totally agree the nasty not-so-grandmother is toxic, but maybe the rest of the family doesn't have the whole story - grandmother seems to be the controlling, matriarchal type and may have presented a very different narrative," wrote a person.
Another person said: "NTA. Your grandmother is a hateful shrew. You don't have to subject your daughter to this hateful religious toxicity."
Agreed! This grandma doesn't get her cake and doesn't eat it - if she's embarrassed by her great-granddaughter (who's a toddler!), she shouldn't see her at all.
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