What I Wish My Husband Would Tell Me More Often Right Now, According to 12 Wives
It's no surprise that more Americans - nearly three in four to be precise - report more stress in their lives than ever before. A global pandemic, a grueling election season, the uprooting of all our old routines. But with stress - and the equality of being at home every day - comes a tendency to forget things, like what makes you a great husband in the first place. It's not necessarily a reputation based on the grand gestures, but rather on the little things you can do and say to show your wife that she and your marriage still matter amid the new normal of deranged everyday routines. Much of it is listening to what she needs and telling her the things she wants to hear.
Look, it's easy to forget. We're all a little bit absent these days. But as husbands, it is up to us to relax and remember our responsibilities as partners, lovers, and friends. Cut yourself a little loose, but also remember to get the job done. To help you in this quest, we asked a dozen women what they would like their husbands to tell them more about it now. From inquiries about their day to words of encouragement, it is worth listening and relating to your own life. There's probably something here that your wife would like to hear from you.
"What can I help with?"
“It seems obvious. So obvious, in fact, that I feel like a nag if I even say it. But come on. Is there really a time when it's not good to ask someone when they need help? I grew up knowing that there is always something that can be done or helped. So, I guess I'm just expecting this in return. During the quarantine, we both got into our routine with work and kids, but I don't think this is an excuse to just check off your "chores" for the day and say, "Ha! I'm done first! By then! "Of course my husband doesn't really say that, but sometimes I get that mood." - Anna, 34, Indiana
"Do you want advice or do you just need to vent?"
"I've never been as stressed in my life as I've been in the last four or five months. It's all. Work. COVID. The choice. And sometimes even I don't know what I need to calm down. My husband is a Fixer, so it's always his job to forego the advice. But sometimes I just want him to shut up so I can let off steam. The problem is, his advice is usually very good, very caring and full of empathy . But I don't always want it right now. I wish he'd let me figure out what's best for me when I need it. "- Carly, 36, North Carolina
"I like you"
“It's different from“ I love you. ”We say“ I love you ”all the time. And that's great. But after being married for so long, it's important for me to know that he still likes me. I know - and believe - that he loves me. But sometimes I wonder if he wants me with him or if he'll leave him alone or if I'm annoying him or whatever. Maybe the last year has been tight, but it would be nice to hear him say, "I love you and I like you." These are two different things to me. "- Mary, 38, Ohio
"You're doing a great job at ..."
“I think my confidence is pretty low at this point. I bet a lot of mothers feel this way. I can't imagine a lot of my friends with kids waking up every day thinking, "Yeah! I'm really killing it during this pandemic!" My husband compliments me and makes me feel special, but sometimes I wish he would give me credit for a certain thing that I do or have done. Like the other day, I fixed a leaking faucet while it was at work. It was easy. I YouTubed it, figured it out, and got it done. I didn't want him to rave about it, but I felt like it would impress him a little more than it seemed, and I would have felt good if I had known I had surprised him. "- Mia, 34, Connecticut
"I did it"
"Sometimes I feel like I'm the glue that holds everything together. I admit, I like to be in control. And maybe it's my fault that I took it so extreme. Maybe he doesn't notice that I'm helping Or better yet, I'd like to rely on him and just know that things will be done. Of course, I don't expect him to read my mind. I guess I mean if I said, "We have to go shopping go ... "and he just said," I got it ... "I would know that he would absolutely take 100 percent care of it. Just take it off my plate and add a little bit more to our relationship these days Teamwork. ”- Nora, 37, Maryland
"We will get through this"
"I'm definitely the most worrying thing in our relationship. It's my fear. It's clinical and debilitating at times. I take two different drugs that help, but I really wish my husband was more calming most of the time. Not comforting like," Oh "Come here. Let me hold you. Everything will be fine." But "Hey, no matter what happens - even if everything is not okay - we'll get through this." This is important so that I can hear it now. That we are a family and a team and that we can survive everything that life throws at us. I believe so, but its confirmation would certainly go a long way. “- Erin, 36, Rhode Island
"I get it"
"Sometimes I feel crazy talking to my husband. We just don't emphasize the same things. It's not that he doesn't care - he's very compassionate, kind and loving. But he doesn't understand things, that scare or upset me in today's world. To be fair, I don't understand why he's so calm most of the time. To hear him say, "I totally understand why this is annoying." To be honest, it is annoying to me. "Would just be a great sense of affirmation. I know my feelings are valid because they are my feelings. But it would be encouraging to know that I'm not the only one freaking out about something." - Helena , 34, Florida
"I can't imagine ..."
"I'm a teacher. An elementary school teacher. Right now it's probably the craziest, shitty time I've ever had in my life. My school is virtual and I spend nearly seven hours every day arguing and beating 20 eight-year-old kids I've set up a classroom in our basement so that no one really comes down there during the day during class. That is, although he usually doesn't see me in action, it would be nice for him - everyone, really - to try to figure out how unprecedented and difficult this time around, and trying to wear my shoes for a day. I feel devalued that he thinks I just work down there. Like answering emails and taking conference calls. No. I'm trying to get distracted Third graders who can barely see or hear me teach prefixes. "- Jasmine, 32, South Carolina
"Let's do this"
“I lead with my feelings and my husband leads with his brain. It's that simple. I'll come home and be very excited about something. Maybe it's a road trip we could go on over the weekend. Or a DIY project that we could do while we have downtime. And I'm just crazy about it. Cut to him and ask questions like: “Will it be safe?” “Do we really have to do that now?” “Do we have the money for it?” Even if he is right - even if my idea is completely without a head - the feeling being completely drained is just plain crap. Only once would I love him, not to think, just to act and say, "Great. Let's do it." - Carrie, 37, California
"How was your day?"
“I think all of our days are pretty routine now. Even more than before because we're home. So we don't even leave the house to get home from work. And, to be honest, the question "How was your day?" It was more of a formality, even if things weren't strange. But I kind of miss it. When I ask him he kind of looks at me like, "Uh, we've been in the same house all day. You know how my day was." Maybe it's a longing for that normality before COVID, but I wish we could regaining that very mild but soothing magic of coming home and seeing each other for the first time in eight or nine hours. ”- Athena, 36, Ohio
"You look beautiful"
"I don't think this is such a big question because I honestly don't expect to hear it that much these days. I don't look good. I've probably been in sweatpants for six months, with little to no makeup. up, unwashed hair and a ponytail. And I understand my goal is not to be my husband's daily feast for the eyes. But I feel like he has become desensitized so that if I try hard it goes completely unnoticed doesn't exactly destroy my self-esteem, but I wonder what will happen if / when things go back to normal. It's silly, I know, but it would be nice to hear something now and then. "- Hallie, 37, Texas
"Good morning. (And good night.)"
“Good morning is the big one. It's like we just wake up and ... exist. The day is just starting because we're already where we both need to be, we're not going to say goodbye and go to work, and we're more like roommates now. It's usually a "hey" that we're going to exchange, and it wasn't like that before COVID. "Good morning" has something more sincere and sweeter about it, even if it is said casually. For example, when you sneeze and someone says, "God bless you." It's just one of those courtesies that you don't notice until you stop hearing them. "- Sarah, 32, Massachusetts
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