Woman mulls breakup over boyfriend's 'repulsive' quarantine behavior: 'I'm questioning the entire relationship'
Group chat is in The Know's brand new advisory column, where our editors answer your questions about dating, friendships, family, social media and beyond. Do you have a question about the chat? Submit it here and we will do our best to respond.
Hey, group chat,
I moved in with my boyfriend in February, a month before our city was completely closed due to corona virus. We had been together for two years and at the time it seemed like a great idea. But now, two months after the quarantine, I've spent every day with them and questioned the whole relationship.
It's little things more than anything else. They are more chaotic than I thought and I feel like I'm usually the only one who does the dishes or tidies up. In addition, they constantly speak too loud during work while I am sitting in the room - sometimes only with B.S. with colleagues. All of this happens while I still have my own calls and a job to worry about. As quarantine restrictions decrease in our state, I wonder if I should express these frustrations with my partner and move one of us out. At the same time, I'm worried that this could lead to such a big fight that we just split up, which I don't think I want. What should I do?
Sincerely yours, ?
Kelsey Weekman, who quarantines with her husband, says - I am actually referring to the villain of this story. I don't know what's broken in my brain, but I can't do the dishes. I just can't do it, so ... I just don't. My husband takes good care of it and I do the laundry every time without asking questions. Such negotiations - and sacrifices to the person you love - are only part of being a life partner. Besides, and it's hard to believe, messy people are still worthy of love! Although there is no excuse for this kind of "despicable" behavior, sometimes we don't see what our bad habits are until someone pats us on the shoulder. Who better to let us down than the person we love most in the world?
In your entire life together, it's about jeopardizing small parts of your very different preferences, but every little victim will be marked by love spurts and inexplicable joy. You are just starting.
Katie Mather, who is quarantined with her Aries friend, says: “First of all, it is profoundly crazy to spend so much time with someone. In addition, everyone in the world behaves like a monster because they believe that this pandemic will only happen to them (although it is actually me who struggles the most). Nobody behaves the way they normally do, so your friend's mistakes may not be real red flags. For example, let's say I eat buttered spaghetti with every meal: I wouldn't normally do that, but all bets are closed at the moment.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't say anything. You should definitely address urgent issues so that you don't bottle your emotions and scream internally throughout the day. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that contracting while in quarantine means you're doomed to listen to your friend's loud gossip forever.
Alex Lasker, who is in quarantine with her mother, brother, and boyfriend, says: “Moving in with someone can strain any relationship. And moving in with someone just to be quarantined around the clock is no exception. Think about the first time you shared a room with someone, be it your sibling or your roommate in college. Certain problems arise from living closely with another person and getting used to their annoying, lovable "quirks". In addition, you currently have no temporary escapes because the pandemic has canceled all of your external plans. Yikes!
The silver lining here is that you specifically mention that you find the "little stuff" as a catalyst for questioning your entire relationship. As Maren Morris said, "The house doesn't fall when the bones are good." However, open and honest communication is an important key. If your partner's behavior really affects you negatively, tell them gently and with love. How they respond is an important indicator of how you can solve major problems later.
Dillon Thompson, who is quarantining with his parents, says: For me, this is a pretty big red flag. If you do not feel comfortable when you do this with your S.O. discuss, you may not be together. The ability to communicate how you feel - even the things that drive you crazy - is a big part of any healthy relationship, especially if it's serious enough that you share Netflix passwords and the fridge. Listen, everyone has more than enough excuses to be a little nervous right now, and it's true that the situation is probably a lot more tense than it was three months ago. But someday things will go back to normal and you two will still have to talk about your problems.
Justin Chan, who is alone in quarantine, says: "As someone who is not currently living with anyone, I believe you have the right to live up to your expectations." If your partner is unwilling to accept you or does not understand that every relationship requires both understanding and compromise, he is not for you. You are like that. should be considerate enough to make sure they don't bother you, and it sounds like this is unfortunately the case.
Morgan Greenwald, who quarantines with her fiance, says: "Before the quarantine, my fiance and I did not fight much because we never spent too much time together in the apartment." (I usually didn't get home before 9pm between work, gym and socializing!)
Now we're both around the clock in the apartment, and of course we're arguing about everything from the one who does the dishes to the time everyone can use the living room. These are unprecedented times and it is normal to struggle with the people who matter most to you. My advice would be to be open with your S.O. to talk about your problems and concerns. So you know what you're doing wrong and have the opportunity to remedy the situation. The truth is, if no one points out "annoying" behavior, the perpetrator will never find out that it is a problem.
TL; DR - Try to have a real discussion of these issues with your partner before reaching conclusions about their intentions or compatibility. Good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. You also deserve to feel comfortable and happy in your own home.
If you liked this story, read In The Know's article about the redditor who asked for advice after his family had a massive argument over a Netflix password.
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